it wasn't lemon gatorade
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
