you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
