our cab driver is having phone sex.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
