if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
