her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Let's get the cat blown out
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
