ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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