just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
