I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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