smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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