imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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