I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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