Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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