no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
