You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
