I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
