I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Come on in and take your pants off
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