oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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