Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
