I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
