You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
