The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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