Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im part way to drunk.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
