yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
