whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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