I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
