I need to stop coming to work sober
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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