I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
