I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
