No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
