and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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