i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
