I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
