I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just had sex on a roof
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
