i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
