Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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