thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And then he peed in my hair
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