his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
