He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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