it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
