I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
