how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
