help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
