also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
