His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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