Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
