You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
