I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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