As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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