I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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