She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
