I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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